Being around you is a constant reminder that you watched me suffer.

Like a marionette.

You saw what life was handing me and you decided to make me dance.

I wanted help

I wanted peace

I wanted comfort

I needed safety,

I needed kindness

I needed love

You were the one who vowed to.

You wouldn't let me leave.

Telling me you didn't mean it.

You didn’t mean to say the wrong thing.

You weren't thinking.

It was over looked.

All while this thing you called love felt like barbed wire wrapped around me,

cutting into me and keeping me down. 

I needed you

I wanted you

I loved you

You chose to push me away.

in the cruelest of ways

Only to save yourself. 

You made every obstacle feel like a mountain.

Alone

Tired

I faced it all myself

You were there.

Not to hold my hand

nor comfort me

to antagonize my pain.

You took advantage of my compassion

my understanding

my ability to love the inner you

My ability to look past the damaged exterior. 

You couldnt grant me the same.

You took while I needed

You dissociated while I suffered.

You isolated while I begged.

In the end you couldnt let me go for me.

For my happiness.

For my health

For love.

You made sure you would be ok first

While simultaneously cutting the last cord to my parachute.

You were safe and I didnt matter.

You blamed me.

Told me I was too sad

too angry

too much

While in reality you weren't enough. 

I continuously dreamt of a day when you would ask

"What do you need?"

"How are you feeling"

"What can I get you"

"How can I help"

"Let me do that" 

It never came. 

Only "I thought I loved you, but I need to break up so I dont hate you" 

You hated me all along. 

Not for the reasons you said.

It was my tenacity

my joy for life

my ability to smile while things crumble

my want for happiness.

You were attracted to my bright light but in the end you couldnt find strong enough sunglasses.

I casted too many shadows that you werent ready to face.

I deserved everything I asked of you.

I am not too much

I do not need too much.

I am joy. 

You are not.

You can paint me as a villain in your story.

Tell all the warped lies you want to.

Do what you must to help you get through this.

I saw you

who you were inside

I still decided to love you.

I gave you that gift.

Someday you wont be but a whisper in my story.

A breeze from the past.

I know how to be the heroine.

I always will be. ✨💗